Am I there yet?

It has been almost a year since I packed up my apartment, my Murano and my beloved dog Ari Gold and moved back across the country. Yes you read that correctly BACK across the country. My first journey across the country brought me to this very same place almost 16 years ago. I wasn’t sure what the future would hold but I knew my future was NOT in the desert land of Las Vegas. I was super excited to move to Atlanta because I knew that the city was thriving at that time, there is an enormous amount of history on every street and my big sister was already here. I was an optimistic 21 year old and I was ready to live it up in “HOTlanta”! I quickly realized that the natives never called it that LOL!

The city was very good to me and I ended up staying for about 11 years before I decided to move back to the grimey streets of Los Angeles…again. That lasted for a little over 4 years which brings us to present day. Although my stint in LA was brief I was able to experience a freedom that I hadn’t experienced yet. I learned to not only hear my own voice comfortably but to really listen to it as well. For years I have made moves in my life that have been heavily influenced by external sources. Yeah I like to heed good advice however I was placing more value on the other voices I was hearing. I was allowing the fears and optimism of others to have more value than my own. I mean who knew I would actually be able to make a decision for myself AND that it would probably be the best decision for me? I mean really…who knew? I didn’t know it at the time but I definitely know it now. When I look over my life I quickly realize that I have known what is best for me all along. I can remember how I felt (and currently feel) when I made a decision based on the feelings of others. I also remember how great I feel when I make a decision using my very own instinct. I want that feeling back!

So here I am at yet another crossroads in my life. Shit! It feels as if this is all being a grown up is! A series of hard ass decisions that we must make on a monthly and sometimes weekly or daily basis. I can’t help thinking “am I there yet???” Oh and while I am asking questions while I am thinking, can someone tell me “where the hell is there?” I mean seriously every goal I reach I don’t even get to enjoy it because damn if I am not already thinking about the next goal! Sheesh! There are so many things that the grown ups that came before me forgot to put in the freaking ‘Grown Up’ brochure! So shady! But I digress….I am at a crossroads and I really want to make this decision for myself, by myself. While I love Atlanta, my spirit is calling me (begging me even) to head back west. LA is cool but I am being pulled to live outside of the city. San Diego? San Francisco? Oxnard? Carlsbad? It is our in the Universe now. I am going to sit with this feeling for awhile and see where spirit guides me.